Why SaveMyBenz hates Volvos

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We hate Volvos. Now, with that out of our way, here is why.

1. Volvo's Engines are Mechanical Freakshows
Five Cylinder engines are not natural. Engines should be in divisible by twos- 4 Cylinder, V6, V8, V12. None of this T5 bullshit. What the hell?! Manufacters claim that a 5 is inherinatly smoother than a 4, but c'mon. Frankie the Mechanic does not want to work on a Swedish 5 when he can work on more orthodox engine with six friggin' cylinders. Anywho...Volvos are the anti-savemybenz brand...and Top Gear, with their various destruction of Volvo Estate Wagons seems to agree. (Youtube Top Gear and Volvo for my case in point. Besides their use of 5 cylinder engines.

2. They are a disgrace to their Viking Heritage.
Volvo is as badass as Melissa Etheridge. Their ancestors however...are the Vikings. Yea...the guys lead by Thor... with his Hammer of the Gods. In our minds, the Swedes of yesteryear didn't give a flying fuck about safety, because they are too busy trying to restrain themselves from shoving a lightning bolt up their enemies ass, all while listening to Manowar. Vikings didn't need the first 3-point safety belts, and neither do you.

3. They are Ugly.
It kind of speaks for itself. I always thought Swedes were supposed to be sexy.=====>







4. They would rather race Yachts than Cars
We understand that Volvo is a multi-faceted company that produces all sorts of mechanical engines, but jesus christ- race some more cars! Volvos have "sport" trims on their ugly, crappy products, but hmm I guess they don't back up the moniker where their little sport badges are.


5. Volvos are driven by Starbucks loving Soccer Moms Without a Soul.
Does The Motherfucking Stig drive a Volvo? No. He is too busy driving a real car. Does the Transporter ditch his Audi for a Volvo? No. Volvos are driven by Soccer moms who can't tell a clutch fan assembly from a headlight. Man are we pretentious! And bold! Look at that above statement. Damn. Or the "Safety Conscious." Hmm. Those people should be busy worrying about the eco-footprint or something. I want my cars sharp, full of steel, and oh so dangerously powerful.

Well...this is it on why we hate Volvos. They annoy us for the above reasons and countless more. We hope Ford just decides to sell them to Vikings who shove their hammers in their tailpipes.

-RichManofAction

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